Caring, Bleeding, and Persistence

Lets go back to our last use of the continuing analogy.

That last time, I had not stuck around to receive the item I had asked you for. And you would have been right in concluding either 1.) that I didn’t believe you would perform the act of giving me the sandwich, or 2.) that I didn’t care very much whether I received the sandwich or not.

It’s time for me to talk about caring.

What if, instead of my asking you for a sandwich, I had asked you for a first aid kit, and while I was doing that, blood was squirting out of a gapping hole in my chest?

Well, if you were really my friend by then - indeed if you were even a human being - I’m sure this would have impelled you to do "exceeding abundantly above all that" I asked or thought you would do for me. You’d probably give me the shirt off your back to use as a bandage, then call a cab and take me to the nearest hospital, and then seen that I was attended to in enough time to save me from death. "Bleeding" begging is a whole lot different from "bloodless" begging.
It is to our shame that most of us humans only pray to God when our prayers are "bleeding prayers."

Anne Lamott has written that "Some people believe that God is in the details, but I have come to believe that God is in the bathroom." She was writing about the time her young son was suspected of having a blood disorder which could have been indicative of any number of fatal diseases. So while she was between taking her son from one place to another, she went into a stall of a ladies room and sat down to pray. "I closed my eyes and prayed beggy prayers." [ notice that! ] Eventually her son was diagnosed with a "uninteresting allergy," and the crisis passed.

What did Ms. Lamott learn from this?

"I have noticed that the people I know whose children are sick have had so much stripped away. And I've been watching them survive, with mostly enormous grace. I shake my head slowly in wonder. I've seen them get immersed against their wills into the very seats of their souls. They've been pushed down into the depths so entirely, in surviving something that can't be survived, that it left them wide open. Then one by one their friends showed up and stepped into that opening, wide as the mouth of a cave, and that helped them hook into something so big. I don't even know what it is. Maybe it's the stripped down moment of it all, so much bigger than the grasping, crying; maybe it's being hooked in to so much more of the life that surrounds us, and shimmers. The common denominator was that, little by little, all of them found themselves stunned and humbled by their friends' love. Their friends' love turned out to be the word of God. Their friends' love was God passing by." [Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies]

From this we learn why "beggy," bleeding prayers are often heard by God, even if they are not always answered the way we think they should have been. It is because the bleeding open wound is sometimes the only way that God can get through to a person who is too wrapped up in the inconsequential things of life. To be sure, God is not the author of the bleeding times, but is He the user of them when they occur.

Now, here is the thing about bleeding prayers: They are often the only time when we really care about the answer to our prayers, and that is why we persist in those prayers until an answer is received one way or another.

This stands in stark contrast to the way we usually pray. Because we have little experience with answered prayer, we often think of prayer as a "duty," and we go on to make it a more onerous duty by praying about things we do not care about one way or another. Eventually this kind of praying becomes a of thing of indifference to us over time, and so we stop praying.

Why do we do that? Why do we pray about things that really don’t thrill us? I think it's because we see other Christians are doing it, and we think it is somehow more "spiritual" to pray that way. Also, it’s likely true that there are things we really care about that we think God may not have a liking for. So we go on to think we can’t bring that up with God, and so we have little converse with Him, and little liking for that converse.

In thinking this way, we are forgetting that one of the things prayer does for us is change our likes and dislikes so that we are more able to share our likes - indeed loves - with God. Soren Kierkgaard said "Prayer does not change God, but changes him who prays." This testimony is true. We little realize that when we present our spirits to God in prayer, He is able to touch our spirits and change our likes and dislikes to be more like His.

Interestingly, the one thing I can complement the Hemingway character for is his praying for his friends and for the bullfights. He is praying for what he cares about. It’s a shame he will not continue to pray because of his unbelief. Had he continued praying, God might have worked on his spirit enough so that his desire for bullfighting could have morphed into something wonderful and unlooked for. And his love of his friends would have increased - and a love for God would have eventually been ignited.

And that, my friend, is why you should pray about what you care about, even if it is a little bit selfish at first. If you pray about what you care about, the Holy Spirit of God will work on your spirit to widen the circle of what you care about, and your heart will grow bigger.

Pray about what you care about!

So, what do we do in the meantime? Our spirits are tepid. We do not pray with the fervor and frequency that we should. What can we do?

We can persist.

Again, lets go back to our on-going analogy.

Instead of us meeting on the street only once, lets suppose that we have been running into each other in the city all throughout the day. At our first encounter, I beg you to buy me a sandwich. And you say "Not right now, I’m too busy." But then each time we run into each other I again ask you, "Don’t forget about that sandwich."

If this happens all throughout the day, what will you eventually conclude about my request for the sandwich? You will conclude 1.) that I really care about getting the sandwich, and 2.) that I really need the sandwich and 3.) I really do believe you are going to get it for me at some time.

This, in the end, is what persistence in prayer is for. It’s how we communicate to God what it is we really care about and need from Him. If it were any other way, we would start treating God like He was our servant instead of vice-versa. If it were any other way, we might start treating God as if He were a genie in a bottle. And He is not interested in playing those roles for us.

Am I being crass and teaching self-centeredness? Well, lets have a look at what Christ said about prayer.

Luke 18:1-6
1 And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;
2 Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man:
3 And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary.
4 And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man;
5 Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.
6 And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith.
(KJV)

And in fact, Christ Himself played out this scenario with the Syro-Phoencian woman.

Matt 15:22-28
22 And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou Son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.
23 But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.
24 But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
25 Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.
26 But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs.
27 And she said, Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.
28 Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour.
(KJV)

So there it is. Beg for what you care about and persist in it.